What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
