my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
