Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so explain again why im purple
no
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
