So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
