FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
