Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
