I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
