She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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