Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was CRYING into my vagina
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
