how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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