I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
