I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
