He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
