A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
