I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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