My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
