I skipped work to stalk him.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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