Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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