we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
