Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
