We won't sleep together?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Randomize
