But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
