Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
