Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
