I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
