I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So vagazzling was a success
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And then he peed in my hair
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