you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
