halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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