I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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