OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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