I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
