So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
