tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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