True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
