I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
