He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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