Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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