I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
