I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
