I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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