This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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