I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
