Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
