I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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