every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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