when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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