take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
