Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
