Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
And then he peed in my hair
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