Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
