birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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