How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
