please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
